So, it’s nearly the end of 2013. On New Years Eve, every year for the last 2 years I have been posting some kind of positive outlook message about the coming New Year on a little known social networking site called whatsits…face….book! that’s it!!! Normally these statuses get plenty of likes and well-wishing comments and then the new year comes around and….. nothing happens! (At least for the first 2-3 months anyway!) Well, it is the beginning of the year, give it a chance to kick in, right???
This year, it wasn’t so slow a start of the year. I had a girlfriend, a happy future ahead, many plans and many things to look forward to. I even decided to brush up on my Welsh so to pass the slow winter months more quickly (which has become a year-long obsession after finding a new method of practising my spoken Welsh and learn new structures to aid my fluency, along with joining a forum of Welsh learners and speakers who are some of the nicest people on the net today – but that’s another blog….maybe!). Those first few months flew past rather quickly. Girlfriend moved house, we had planned a weekend away (well, she did, and I was invited along!) and we booked a couple of tickets to see her favourite rock band later in the year. This was going to be my year, and I was very happy. Then towards the end of April, it all fell apart when my girlfriend left me for someone else!
Since then, I’ve had time to reflect on my life a bit. First by trying to work out where it all went wrong (I still don’t know, and I’m probably never going to know!), then by learning to accept it and to get on with life. It’s not been easy, especially as everything just feels different now. She isn’t even with this guy anymore but got herself into a situation with him that will affect the rest of her life. She’s not really any happier for it, and I take absolutely NO satisfaction from knowing that either. Whatever she’s done to hurt me either then or now, and even though we are nowhere near as close as we have been the last 2 1/2 years anymore, I still think the world of her and want her to be as happy as she can be. And since everything that has happened or is happening is entirely her choice I can only assume that it’s these choices that are making her happy or are being made with the aim to make herself happy. I can only wish her all the best in whatever she does and let her move on with her own life now.
Through all this, and much reflection, I’ve realised that I also need to make choices which will (hopefully) lead to my own happiness. Anyone who knows me knows this is a completely alien concept to me because I’m always looking out for other people before myself – particularly those closest to me… like my now ex-girlfriend. I have started dating again – well, I have met someone and been on only 1 date with her at least! Back in June at my friends’ pre-wedding meal (a wedding where I was best man) I met a really lovely young Northern Irish lady. She is actually the grooms cousin, but she was the first girl I had taken any real notice of since I got with my ex-girlfriend (the 2nd time) 2 1/2 years ago and I quickly became rather smitten with her. I knew as I sat opposite her, trying hard not to make it so obvious that I really liked her through my gazing into her beautiful hazel eyes or pouring her coffee for her, that at the wedding reception during the bride and grooms first dance when the DJ asks the guest to join them, that I wanted to ask her for a dance. So when the moment came, I did…. Twice! I danced with her twice that evening and I’m still proud of this now! I knew I had to stay in touch with her too, since she divides her time between her home in Northern Ireland and her university in Liverpool. Of course, this makes any chance of a relationship very slim, and as she still has another year and a half of uni to complete I wouldn’t want to be a distraction to her. I did however have that lovely dinner date with her last month in Liverpool where we just caught up with everything and got to know one another a little better. We chatted nearly 3 hours after finishing our meal, and I could’ve listened to her beautiful Northern Irish voice talking for hours longer and been very happy. Of course, once again I struggled to take my eyes off of her and I really didn’t want the evening to end! We was one of only 2 tables left occupied in the restaurant by the time we finally left. I do miss her, and I am hoping to have a second date with this lovely person one day in the new year (if she wants to), but we shall see!
I have also been looking into the possibility of moving on. This is something that will need careful planning though, as I need to be sure I have a job to walk into, a roof over my head and enough money to make all this happen – especially since I have been thinking of literally moving on. At the moment I’m favouring Wales, but undecided whether I want to head to South Wales where I have family, or North Wales where I can apply for a transfer at work and possibly move quicker. I can’t, and won’t, make a final decision until April next year as I have once again been asked to be best man for one of my oldest friends.
Of course, anything can happen in 3-4 months, as I learned earlier this year. Come April I might have a completely different plan. Something unexpected may happen that changes everything!
Which brings me (finally) to the point of this blog. Things and people change. Sometimes for the better, and sometimes not so. We can plan, expect, hope and live our lives exactly how we want to, but we must NEVER take anything for granted, because we just never know what unexpected turn is around the corner.
So this New Year’s Eve, the message I will be leaving on my Faceache status will either be “never take anything for granted”, or just “Happy 2014!” if I’m feeling lazy! What I won’t be posting is “2014 will be my year…” or anything to that effect! This coming year, I will be taking each day as it comes and I will make choices based on what I want and how my current situation can help to that effect. Or in simple terms…. whatever happens, happens!